The First Five Days of 2011

2011.

The year has already changed. I looked at everything. Every little thing that I can see.

So then I realized, it seems that everything changed, except for ME! Yes, and I don't like to be numb anymore.

The night we celebrated new year. I promised to myself, in the midst of dancing, shouting and eating, that this will be the time for me to remove my old robe and get up for a new one. A NEW IDENTITY FOR MYSELF.

A notebook. A pen. And the plan is all ready. I knew I am geared up for this year.

I knew I turned paranoidal again. YES. It's on my genes already and that was the date I thought of the hurts I actually had as my lifestyle. And those people who gave me the worst nightmares I could ever dreamt of. REVENGE is the first word that had the chance to enter my mind. REVENGE. REVENGE. REVENGE. Until I came to my senses. Tears suddenly gushed out of my eyes, and I knew what I wanted isn't and will never be right.

I sat back, stared at nothing. For the sake to say I'm emotionally deprived. I ended up nothing.

Looking again at nothing, I saw nothing. I am nothing.

This was the story. No, not a story. A talkshit. As you've been thinking earlier. Deciding on what to do, I faced one of the biggest realities. Reality. I'm tired of facing a lot of realities in the world. Everyone is unique and this is what is unique in me.

I stared at the open window - stared at the empty lot beside our house. I was completely blacked out, until after two minutes, I saw my pen and crumpled paper just some centimeters away from my pen. I backed out.

It wasn't my time. The five days of the year was rough. And it was just the year after 2010.