ANG KWENTO NG ISANG LIBRO

Naroon ang isang mag-aaral sa silid-aklatan. Tila hindi mawari kung anong libro ang kanyang kukuhanin. May kailangan pa siyang tapusing takdang-aralin.

Dumating siya sa isang shelf na kung saan maraming magaganda at maayos na libro at sa dinami-dami ng mga librong iyon, dumampot siya ng isa. Maganda ang libro at nang kanyang binasa' marami siyang natutunan. Umupo siya at nagpatuloy na nagbasa. Pinaunlad ang kanyang kaalaman at karanasan ng librong iyon.

Sa kanyang pagbabasa, siya'y dumating sa puntong mistulang naging magulo ang lahat. Sinubukan niya na intindihin muli ang libro at kanya itong binasa muli sa simula. Sa kasawiang-palad, nabigo siyang maunawaan ang lahat.

Minabuti niyang magpunta ulit sa isang shelf kung saan maraming libro subalit may kaisa-isang natatangi. Kinuha nya iyon at binasa.

Sa kanyang pagbabasa, galak ang maaaninag sa kanyang mukha sapagkat may mga bagay siyang natutunan sa librong yun na wala sa una. Naliwanagan siya sa mga bagay na hindi niya naintindihan. Tila nagbukas ang langit sa kanyang nabibigong pag-asa at sa kanyang patuloy na pagbabasa ay lumawak ang kanyang isipan.

Nais niya sanang iuwi ang dalawang librong yun. Ipinasok niya ito sa bag at nang siya'y aalis na, siya'y sinabihan ng inspektor ng aklatan na isa lamang ang maaari niyang ilabas.
Siya ay napaisip. Ano kaya ang aking ilalabas?

Sinipat niya ulit ang dalawang libro. Inisip kung saan siya maraming matutunan. Kung saan maraming bagay ang magiging maliwanag sa kanya.


Naguluhan.
Nakapagdesisyon.
Naguluhan muli.

Hindi niya maaaring ilabas ang parehong libro.


Lubos ko lamang naunawaan ang lahat sa ikalawang libro. Subalit mas matagal kong nabasa ang unang libro. Iyun ang nauna kong kuhanin at sa kanya ko ibinatay ang kakayahan ko upang maunawaan ang lahat. 

Mahirap man sa kanya ngunit siya'y pumili. Itinago nya ang unang libro sa kanyang bag at iniwan sa lamesa ang pangalawa. Malungkot man siyang umalis nang aklatan, minabuti niyang panindigan ang kanyang desisyon. Umaasa siyang marami siyang matutunan sa librong iyun.

Hindi pa oras ng ikalawang libro na siya ay gamitin. Sa pag-alis niya'y may iniwan siyang pag-asa na may ibang taong mas makakakita ng dahilan kung bakit siya isinulat at marahil, hindi pa talaga iras ng librong yun para pagyamanin ang kanyang kaalaman.


Ang naiwan na lamang sa kanya ay ang alaala na minsan sa kanyang pananatili sa aklatan, inilagay nya ang librong yun sa kanyang bag.

A REPLY TO A TAPSILOG CUSTOMER

Okay, order noted. Nagawa ko na po, Sir! Hmm. May note pala siyang pinabibigay. Kinuha nya na kasi yung order mo. Eto sabi nya.


"Hmmm. Salamat sa TAPSILOG ha. :) Unang-una na yun. Naku, okay lang naman sa akin yun. Hindi ka nakasama? At least, I saw the effort naman. It pays off na rin. Kaya wag ka mag-alala.


Oo, hindi lang stressed sa academics. Sa lahat - sa buhay, sa pag-ibig. Kahit nga nung birthday ko, buong umaga nun. Wala akong ginawa kundi patayin yung oras eh. Nakakatawa.


Siguro tatlong oras na rin akong nakatambay sa computer shop. Inaabangan kang mag-online. Hindi ko kasi nasagot tawag mo kahapon. I missed something that I know, will give that happiness that I wanted during those days. I missed it.


TEXT MO AKO. PLEASE? Nagmamakaawa talaga ako nyan. Hahaha! Pero mula nung 11, di man lang ako nakatanggap. Hinintay ko kung makakasama ka. Para akong manghuhula nun. Kulang na lang, maglagay ako ng mahiwagang bola. Baka sakali, dun ka magtext. 


Wala pa din. Baka walang load. Okay na yun. At hanggang ngayon, naghihintay pa din ako - text lang yun, pero malaking bagay sa akin nun.


Nairaos ko din naman yung birthday ko. Pero iniisip ko lang, sana ikaw yung andun. Malungkot. May kasamang tampo. Pero anong magagawa ko? Tapos na rin ang lahat.


Oo nga pala. Buti na lang nagbigay ka ng tapsilog. SALAMAT ULIT! :)"


Alam mo, kung importante man ang tao sa iyo, iparamdam mo. Alam mo, malungkot yun nung pagdating niya dito sa tapsilugan ko. Pinipilit lang ngumiti. 


Ganun kahalaga sa kanya ang makasama ka kahit lang sa panunuod ng fireworks. Napakalaking bagay na nun. Pero alam mo, pagkakuha niya nito, natuwa siya. Alam niya siguro na pinasadya mo pa talaga yun.


Marami pang time para makabawi. Hindi niya man hinihingi na gawin mo yun, matutuwa siya kapag nangyari yun. Oo nga pala. May pahabol pala siyang pinapasabi. Salamat daw, kasi kahit hindi mo pa talaga siya kilala, importante na siya para sa iyo. Kuntento na daw siya na nalaman niya yun.


Oo nga pala. Php65 yang tapsilog. Pero huwag mo na bayaran. Para naman sa kanya eh. Balik ka ulit sa susunod ha. Huwag kang mag-alala, magiging masaya yun. Huwag mo lang palagpasin ang mga araw na masaya yung tao, kasi wala ka. Tandaan mo yun ha. :)


-TAPSILOG VENDOR.

What Have I Been Doing the Last Time?

Okay then. It's March 12, and it's my birthday. Timing is so unfortunate - everytime I am to celebrate this day, I got to think that after such date comes the hell week for students. YES! I've got nothing to do in my birthday but to study. Would you even consider it as your birthday?

Anyway, this post is to update you what have this freak been doing the last time! DRUMROLL. And here it goes.

(1) Start from today. Actually, it's my 'birthday' and up to this point, I have no plans yet. Financial constraints, time constraints, etc. They all come together. The sad part is, none of my friends actually can get along with me to celebrate this day. That hurts. I should have went back home today. Oh, thanks to Jaime Ayen, he's up there to be with me. WATCHING FIREWORKS! *Cause baby you're a firework. C'mon show them what you're worth...*


(2) As usual, when it comes to my schedule for the last few months, exams can never be not part of it. Since the classes resumed last January, there only had two weeks where I am allowed to unwind with the cruelty and brutality of the professors and instructors here. As been mentioned earlier, after this day comes series of examinations. Oh, I just hope that series is not like the Fourier Series Expansion taught to us yesterday. Here's a sneak view of my examinations schedules right after March 12.


[] 17 March 2011 - Engineering Science 21 Fourth Long Exam
[] 19 March 2011 - Chemistry 31 Second Long Exam
[] 21 March 2011 - Engineering Science 11 Fourth Long Exam
[] 23 March 2011 - Materials Engineering 14 Third Long Exam
[] 24 March 2011 - Engineering Science 21 Finals
[] 31 March 2011 - Chemistry 31 Final Exam


Still not to include the deadlines for lab reports, projects and experiments. And oh by the way, there are still five exams not included at that schedule. Can you imagine how I can handle such stress these are giving me? All I can say is WHEW!


(3) The news about the 8.9 - earthquake which attempted to remove Japan in the Earth stunned everyone in the whole world. Sympathy to the victims of the unexpected tragedy has been observed and the prayers of saving Japan from the effects of destruction have been rampant. Though there are still few who says that the plate tectonic theory just proved its validity once more, the core of the tragedy is to unite to help others! We are all equal in this world and lending help even by means of praying is of a good help. Oh, I'm just stunned with the message. I hope that the disaster would never happen again.


(4) Let's go to a happier side. Recently, I just found out that the season 12 of Dancing with the Stars is to be aired on the 21st of this month. I'm just excited about it. This is nothing. NEVER MIND!


Oh anyway, that would be the least thing you have to know with me. You can greet me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I won't bite. Unless you requested.

BEEF TAPA

Ito ay isang kwento ng isang ordinaryong tao na minsan ay nabuhay sa mundo at nangarap maging masaya.

Nakadungaw sa isang tapsilugan.

Nabuhay siya sa isang lugar na tahimik. Sa lugar na ang alam lang niya ay mayroong palayan at mga baka sa paligid. Ang tanging kiilala nya lang nun ay magulang niya na sa buong buhay nya ay minahal nya. Ganun din ang kanyang mga kapatid.

Isang bata na kinakitaan ng talino at kinakitaan ng isang maliwanag na kinabukasan. Mula nung bata siya, nabuhay na siya sa tingin ng ibang tao - nabuhay na hindi pwedeng magkaroon ng isang pagkakamali sa buhay nya.

"Joshua Garcia Espidillion. First Honorable Mention." Okay. Hindi man niya nasungkit ang valedictorian nung elementary siya, sakto pa din. Isang tagumpay na yun para sa kanya. Para sa iba, disappointment.

Siya si Josh, kung tawagin ng kanyang mga kaibigan. Iba pa ang tawag ng mga taong hindi niya kilala. Normal na tao. Mukhang tao. Subalit sa likod ni Josh ay may nagkukubling isa pang pagkatao.

Mula bata, kinakitaan na siya ng pambihirang kabaitan. "Okay, class. Tandaan natin. Carlos P. Garcia, Filipino First Policy. Bayan muna bago ang sarili."

Dito niya maaaring nakuha ang kanyang pagiging humanitarian. Iba muna bago sarili niya. Prinisipyo niya sa buhay ito at kahit anong pilit niyang iwasan ito, sa pagbibigay pa rin ng sarili humahantong ang kanyang sarili. Di mapigilan.

Tanda nya pa noon kung paano niya inako ang kasalanan ng kanyang kaklase nung maiwala niya ang ballpen ng kaklase nila. Bigay pa pala ng nanay niya yun at tila pagpatay ang naging tingin ng kaklase niya sa pagkawala nito. Sagutan ng mga bata, hanggang sa nagkaroon ng sakitan ang dalawa. Sa gitna ng nagrarambulang bata, nagawa pa rin ng paslit na si Josh ang pumagitna. "Pinahiram mo kaya sa akin yung ballpen, Gene. Yun yung maraming kulay tapos Pooh? Oo. Hala, sorry Kim. Nawala ko eh. Palitan ko na lang."

Hindi matawaran ang kabaitan ni Josh hanggang sa tumanda sya. Sa labingsiyam na taon na pamamalagi niya sa mundo, naranasan na niya marahil lahat ng pwede niyang maranasan sa kanyang kabaitan. Lahat.

The Last Night's Premises

The day turned to night. And the night has been long.

He's been at bed all the time, watching his ordinary phone blink. Flashing new messages. As he tried to open those messages, different emotions came - just imagine different persons rushing through a small crazy thing and stayed there.

Insanity prevailed. Ghosts. Ghosts. He thought everything is a ghost. He's been always haunted by something he doesn't even know. Holding his ears, shouting for nothing. It was a different person. He knew it and yet he doesn't know why he's doing it.

He knew one thing. He's not okay. He's not. He stared again on that blinking cellphone. Afraid. That cellphone is a ghost.

He read. The message is still a ghost. He looked. And he knew that message wasn't a ghost anymore.

This apparition of himself is killing him. He was struck by the fact that he's stupid and he never get contented with what he have and what he holds today. Had his friends not texted him, he might have been found on the outside world, blood dripping from his hands, laying in such misery.

Still, they made them feel that even with such neglibility, he had worth.

The day came and he is starting again. Still not okay, but he is trying. Hoping he can make it, at least to be okay. :)

Lintik!

Now Listening to Show Me How You Burlesque.

04:54 pm,  15 February 2011

Nakakatawa. Ang daming bagay na naglalaro sa isip ko. Ay mali! Hindi siya madami. Paulit-ulit lang. Matagal na. Matagal na matagal na. Nag-enjoy atang maglaro sa isip ko. Playground?

Hmmm.

Isa pang hmmm.

Isa pang hmmm.

Okay. Eto yun eh. Bakit? Naiiisip ko pa din madalas. Andyan naman sila mama ko at papa ko na very supporting sa akin. Yung mga kapatid ko na syempre nakasama ko na at makakasama ko pa. Yung mga kaibigan ko na kaunti lang at bilang sa kama na kahit madalas wala, may mga  pagkakataong andyan sila. Yung BUCKS, kasi sila yung mga taong laging andyan kahit minsan ayaw mo na. At yung tatlong bestfriend ko.

Tapos matalino naman ako. Sabi nila. Mabait. Isa siguro sa mga pinakamabait, sabi nila. Pero ano bang kulang?

Alam ko na! Alam ko na! Alam ko nga ba? Hmmm. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako.

At dun na naman ako nagsimulang mabaliw.

Kung iisipin mo, yung mga bagay na sinabi ko, madalas naman lahat ng tao, mayroong ganun. Hindi naman ako kaiba sa kanila. Tama! Sa bagay lang na yun.

Ano pa bang hinahanap ko? Simple lang. PAGMAMAHAL! Hindi yung romantic, pero maramdaman ko lang na mahalaga ako. Kahit kasi iparamdam sa akin yun, madalas natatambakan pa din ng mga oras na ipapamukha ng mga tao na isa akong walang kwentang tao. Pag may nakitang better, punta agad. Iiwan ka.

Malabo. Sana tulad na lang ako ng ibang tao! Kung bakit sa mundo, laging may diskriminasyon. Mahirap akong magustuhan. Mahirap. Mahirap akong mahalin. Pero wala naman akong ginagawa para mahirapan sila. Madalas sukuan. madalas iwan. Madalas na lang palagi.

Ikumpara ang sarili sa iba. Ayoko na! Pero hindi pa rin ako makuntento.

Sanay na rin ako eh. Lagi kong sinasabing sanay ako. Kasi eto naman ang nangyayari. Ano bang magagawa ko? Wala akong choice eh. Pero lagi nalang, bago ako matulog, pinapanalagin ko na sana dumating yung oras na magkarooon ako ng silbi sa ibang tao. Tanggapin nila na napaka-boring kong tao. Tanggapin at wag ipagtabuyan. Tanggapin.

Kailangan ko na talagang tanggapin na hanggang sa libingan ko, ganito na ako.

At ngbuzz ang computer. Time ko na sa internet cafe. Natapos ang kwento sa fb. Sana matapos na rin ang kalungkutan ko.

Sana lang talaga..

February 12 Insights

Hay, ang buhay. LIFE. Asa namang hindi, pero kung tutuusin, mayroong mga taong may buhay pero hindi mo matatawag na buhay yun. At ngayong araw na to, isa ako sa mga yun!

Ang araw naman ngayon, pero ngayong hapon palang, umulan na ng sadness and BV-nesses sa buhay. At unfortunately, nakalimutan ko pala yung payong ko. TSK!

Enumeration tayo! Dali!

(1) Isipin mo. Estudyanteng nerdo. Hindi na kagulat-gulat kung magiging malungkot siya kapag hindi niya alam ang mga lsssons. Isipin mo lang talaga.

(2) As usual, may isang bagay lang naman ang pwedeng magpalungkot sa akin. DAMN! As in eto na naman po. He comes in, and another one comes into his life. Ako, walang alam kung hindi pa na-wrong send. Hindi pa rin ako maka-move on. Mukha akong tanga!

(3) Nakakabadtrip lang talaga kung bakit ang dami-daming choosy sa mundo. Eh bakit? Ganun na ba kataas ang standards nila? Haha! Andami nang walang kwenta sa mundo. Fortunately, mas may kwenta sila sa akin.

(4) Gagawa pa ako ng mga kakainisan ko mamaya! 

Ang sarap ng buhay sa hell ngayon. Gusto mo sumama? Wi-fi dito! Kasya pa lima.

The First Five Days of 2011

2011.

The year has already changed. I looked at everything. Every little thing that I can see.

So then I realized, it seems that everything changed, except for ME! Yes, and I don't like to be numb anymore.

The night we celebrated new year. I promised to myself, in the midst of dancing, shouting and eating, that this will be the time for me to remove my old robe and get up for a new one. A NEW IDENTITY FOR MYSELF.

A notebook. A pen. And the plan is all ready. I knew I am geared up for this year.

I knew I turned paranoidal again. YES. It's on my genes already and that was the date I thought of the hurts I actually had as my lifestyle. And those people who gave me the worst nightmares I could ever dreamt of. REVENGE is the first word that had the chance to enter my mind. REVENGE. REVENGE. REVENGE. Until I came to my senses. Tears suddenly gushed out of my eyes, and I knew what I wanted isn't and will never be right.

I sat back, stared at nothing. For the sake to say I'm emotionally deprived. I ended up nothing.

Looking again at nothing, I saw nothing. I am nothing.

This was the story. No, not a story. A talkshit. As you've been thinking earlier. Deciding on what to do, I faced one of the biggest realities. Reality. I'm tired of facing a lot of realities in the world. Everyone is unique and this is what is unique in me.

I stared at the open window - stared at the empty lot beside our house. I was completely blacked out, until after two minutes, I saw my pen and crumpled paper just some centimeters away from my pen. I backed out.

It wasn't my time. The five days of the year was rough. And it was just the year after 2010.

It's Been a Year, BUCKS

FLASHBACK.

Before November 4, 2009.

I remembered the time where I had this cute textmate. YUP! He's Ronron. We made friends easily, though it is beyond the networking communication. Nevertheless, you can call it friendship. LOL! He says a lot of stories about his life. And I am the his avid fan. Listener. Until one time, he came to tell something about this "pardy" thingy that he has.

Pardy. It's his bestfriend. Name? Adams Angelo Sardez. He's 18 of age, and he lives in Marikina. Ron told me how they actually would share memories together. Bonding times. They were, for bestfriends, great. :)

So then I started to release its weird spores of curiosity. To be honest, I became interested with this Marikina guy and actually searched his friendster account. YEAH! HE'S CUTE. :)) That's all! But then, I know with such boring person like me. Nothing will happen between us.

Desperation drive me to actually search for other textmates and probably, a lover for some groups in friendster. Bang! I got a number. I just got it, texted it. Without looking to the profile of the person who posted his number on that group. Anyway, I already had what I wanted. I got a number.

I asked him. "ASL PLEASE?" And to my surprise, that unknown guy replied. "Adams Angelo Sardez, 18, Marikina, with 3G CP. Ikaw?"

It started there

We built up a kind of friendship, again, over the telecommunication sites. (Oh, thanks to them, by the way!) Out of nowhere, we became bestfriends. Though we actually haven't met. Then I thought we'll be more than friends. Unfortunately, it doesn't end up there.

We've been textmates for about three weeks. Until we decided to meet on November 4.

November 4, 2009

After the enrolment in UP, I immediately went to our meeting place. Pedro Gil. That was about an hour to travel. I decided to take LRT then. I am wearing a violet shirt then with my blue jacket. And I really look disgusting.

7 PM. I arrived. That was actually an hour late. He asked me, "Asan ka na?" I told him that I am already here. Because we are meeting for the first time in our entire lives, as usual. Color of shirt, tall or short - those were the signs a person would ask to identify his eyeball. :o He actually got mad at me since I ain't replying.

We met around 7:30 PM. He's cute and he has his friends together with him. I don't know exactly who are they, but I know one of them is Camille Estabillo. Yeah, I remembered that.

I thought we'll be having date. Unfortunately, he pulled me to this house where I saw four people who looked people who doesn't have any plans for their lives. They were around a table of a pitcher of iced tea and wine (beer, gin, whatever!! :D) that actually gave proof before on the very first impression I had with them. There was this girl who looked like a sex addict, a very huge guy that I thought would spank me,a guy who looked like Indian or Persian and another girl who complements the same character with the first girl, just a little lighter. Yeah, including I and the cute guy. PERIOD!

THE SPELLING OF B.U.C.K.S

Blog. Especially for the BUCKS!!!

BUCKS. A circle of friends. It all started last 2009, when students who were accepted in Adamson University had their first day of classes. They were from a Mass Communication-block section, and bang! There were certain students who jived easily, talked to each other, eat together, went to the mall  together, made themselves comfortable to each other - that was when they feel like starting such group - the BUCKS.

This group actually had extended themselves, reaching their friendship and ties actually to other universities - there's from PNU, UST and even from UP!

What made BUCKS actually special? The dedication of each member to the group is such wonderful. Once a Bucksian will always be a Bucksian. It's a unity - one for all, all for one. Acceptance - check! They are the type of peeople who would accept you for who you are and would not blame you for who you are not. This has been the secret behind the bond between the members - greater than any bonding chemistry and physics had ever explored. To describe it, FUN. FUN.

Through the two years, the friendship and happiness that every Bucksian had never vanished. It is still there, and it never fades. It is the real friendship and solidarity that anyone dreamt of. Yes, they can actually testify for it. 'Sala sa init, sala sa lamig,' as person quote the saying, BUCKS will never get you out whenever you're in need. True. They would never hesitate to lend you a hand, or to give you comfort, and to assure, they're willing to do that.

BUCKS. Oops, that's just an inch of what defines BUCKS. And to say, I am proud to be one of them! Being a Bucksian too is a different experience, and to all the friends that I have from the start, I think this group will really make a mark in me - and I hope being a Bucksian is forever. Right!

That's the end, dear. Thanks for reading.

Best. Undefied. Complex. Known. Spectacular. BUCKS

YES. IT WAS UNTITLED

Times are getting rough for him. It wasn't a different day for him to be one of those stupid persons you will meet - he goes to school, he eats, he talks to his friends, he sleeps, and he talks while he's sleeping.

One thing he forgot is to love.

Nature really has its beauty.

It was, he guessed, six in the evening. Time for dinner. He stood on the corridor of the dormitory and thought of one question only fools think of. He wasn't decided if he is to eat that moment or not. Thanks to his black, LCD-broken cellphone that appears to inherit his unique stupidity, for about 23 phone book contacts, he sent a message asking for such questions. Of course, he didn't expect for a reply, for who will be as foolish as he is to answer suck freaky question.

To his surprise, he discovered a thing - the brain still provides ounces of silliness just to cope up with foolish things like what happened - and there still replied, with exact calculations, only 8.7 percent. With enough math knowledge, compute for the number of persons.

Two messages received. Does it mean there are also two people who care? That is out of the business. He read the message, and he was right. 8.7 percent of 23. Let the drumrolls play. Bang, it was from two persons - they were different. Namedrop? No. Application of mathematics, a brilliant idea. Let the first person be designated as x; second person, y. No mathematical tricks needed to solve for it. Just enough logic is required, and of course, stupidity.

The conversation just went like this. He sent a group message, they replied. He replied, they don't reply anymore. It was confusing that they showed care at least times you needed them, strikes you back and then suddenly will keep you hanging and waiting for some care and love from some simple text message. Is this nonsense? Yes, and he was nonsense.

It was the simplest scenario where he seeks for love and comfort and nobody's actually giving it. Left alone, he waits most of the times and receives nothing - to think of that he is one of those persons who you would know can have enough patience. Four years. For four years, his life actually revolved on a daily dosage of contentment. He was happy when he was contented, and it was his life before. Asking or seeking for love and comfort is never his problem - it is all provided by life's satisfaction.

Whenever he plays Mambo Agogo or Dance Maniax, he is happy because he is satisfied. Whenever he eats something, he is happy because he is satisfied. Foolish. Depending one's happiness based whether you're satisfied or not is never real and will never be real. I will never be foolish, he said.

BUCKS. The group that accepted who Beto really is. Happy with the bucks.

Taking the risk of changing his perspective about life, as well as his own criterion for happiness, he walked from the pedestal of satisfaction to the pedestal of uncertainty. This isn't the thing about x plus/minus change in x, but an uncertainty of one thing - will he be able to find his happiness upon taking such risk?

It has been a while since he finally decided. He'll be going for it. It's the search he's been wanting, longing and needing to do - search for his happiness. He tried discovering different things, and even himself just to find his happiness. Unique. It was the kind of happiness many think that was too rare and really different. For almost a year, happiness remains to be his focus.

He just wanted to be happy. Truly happy. But it was true. Happiness seems to be a stranger. A hypervelocity particle that even gradient aerogels can't capture. More than the speed of light, a jail person who always escapes. Air, water. He can't touch it. He was a total mess.

Mess. Okay. He was able to find some, but not happiness. Read his notes, it says there that when one charge can't attract a charge, it is repelling it. The only thing the he can attract is the opposite of it. Yes, he attracted not silly charges. Sadness. Rejection. Depression. It was all.

History just repeated itself. It was his story four years ago, just with different characters. Tired. It was just I love them, he thought. But why they can never love me back? Hurt. His discovery went to his downfall. Caught in the air, left without any parachute and bangs in the ground. Force? It was the shock. Strain? There really has been changes in his life. He has been strained. Damaged.

Let's say. Blah blah. Never did he expected this thing. It was the second time he tried showing love to the people around him. But it was the nth time he received the worst of it. He never felt any comfort or care. It was he is living on a world constricted by one-way mirrors. He can see them but never will they see him.

He asked himself. Why such be a fool like me take some love and comfort? There was nothing special. Being a geek is never special. Go to his university and you'll find lots. Somehow, regrets come on, and asks why he became so ambitious to change his life, to find happiness, not to be contented with "I am satisfied," that can never be really his forever. He never blamed anyone. Except himself. He was an idiot, a fool, a stupid, a desperate - he is a beggar of love.

It was a hard time for the dog. He fell down, alone. Even this dog needs care.

It takes so much pain that he became traumatic with it. He was afraid of loving again. He was afraid of getting hurt again. He was just afraid of how love can damage him. He decided. I'll quit.

As he puts a metallic myocardium in his heart, he started thinking love as a mere scientific thing - like a radiation, that because of the barriers kept it from flowing out. He wanted to be the guy who was never truly happy, but never sad. He wanted to go back four years ago, when what he was only thinking was his family, studies and a chosen social life.

I was never really meant to be truly happy. I was just meant to be satisfied. He says. Love. Take it all and throw it on a bin. Be contented. It was then his life. It is his life. Forget them all and concentrate on some things. Goal - to be back.

It wasn't a different day for him to be one of those stupid persons you will meet - he goes to school, he eats, he talks to his friends, he sleeps, and he talks while he's sleeping.

But somehow, he's happy that all of these life's burden were trashing out - including love and true happiness he's been searching. It was the end.

Most dangerous three words: I LOVE YOU. If you use it, be sure it's true. It might be a curse.